Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
