he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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