did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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