I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
