Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
