He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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