you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
