cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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