You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
