Since when is my name a synonym for head?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
