I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
