The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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