Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
