The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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