I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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