good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
