I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
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