I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
