Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
