well most of my day revolves around power hour
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
