i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
