Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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