They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
