oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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