so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
