Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
