2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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