I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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