I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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