he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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