i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
