doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
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When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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