I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
