: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
