he puts the penis in happiness.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
