i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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