i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
