So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize