Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
