i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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