So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
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How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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