we're chasing vodka with high fives
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
