I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
