So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I think I am morally bankrupt
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
