So drunk its hurt
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
