my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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