I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
