Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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