Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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