i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
May the power of my ass compel you!!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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