so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I have already put on my inside pants.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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