yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
