My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
