just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
