Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
it hurts more in the daytime
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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