Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
