the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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