i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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