You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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