just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
