My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
