oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
