So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The air was thick with penises
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
