if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
