he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
