maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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