is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
