Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Randomize
