one two three fourrrrnication!
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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