Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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