i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
