Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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