Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
