No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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