Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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