i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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