i think my tv is drunk
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
