This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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